Thunder thighs and my body image.

I saw a picture this week, a very recent one, of myself. Even though I've lost close to 40 pounds in the last year and a half (which, yay!), I still zeroed in on the one area of my body I've never been happy with, no matter how skinny I've been - my thighs. Oh, my thighs. They have always been hell-bent on constantly being large and jiggly.

As I stared at them in disgust, I had an epiphany. If I approach my appearance with an ever critical eye, I will never be thin enough. Or toned enough. Or cute enough. Or even tanned enough. No matter how supportive and complimentary people are towards me, if I lose the weight only in order to 'fix' myself, it will never be enough.

However, if I accept my body as it is right here and right now (jiggles, cellulite, whiteness and all), I have already won. Focusing on becoming healthier, as opposed to fixing what I perceive as defects, will be enough.



It's always darkest before the dawn.

Another post dedicated to an awesome new album that I must gush about to anyone who will listen. Because I love my music to the point of total nerddom. Deal. With. It.

Artist: Florence + The Machine
Album: Ceremonials
My thoughts: So beautiful. Quirky, happy, and occasionally mysterious. The arrangements and beats are brilliantly layered; each song feels like a unique little story. Just like with their last album, Lungs, there are certain songs on this record that make me so happy that while listening to it on the road, I get the urge to jump on top of my car and just start dancing in the middle of an intersection. (Don't worry, I haven't. Yet.) There are also a few tracks that are spooky that I haven't completely been won over by yet, but I know I will be. Because that is just how good these guys are.
Favorite Tracks: Shake It Out, Only If for a Night, All This and Heaven Too

*As a sidenote, there is one detail that pains me about Florence + The Machine. As a lover of music videos, I was really excited to check theirs out. When I heard that the Dog Days are Over video won an MTV music video award, I knew I had to watch it. So I did - and I was left wondering precisely when during the experience I dropped acid. Blue genie women in gold dresses and scary kabuki doll makeup? Check and check. Masked purple ninjas banging on some bongo drums? Why of course!
It's terrifying.
I really don't want to post the video here because it will freak you out and could make you hate their music, which would be tragic. So instead, here is a little screencap to illustrate my point:

Oh well.


It's mah birfday! and some random facts.

I had a fantastic birthday yesterday. I was even given the gift of an extra hour of sleep by the universe (thank you daylight savings time! I forgive you for being an unnecessary annoyance to the modern world). My sister Jackie came down to Utah for the weekend, and so my entire family was together. It was awesome. We had presents, cake, and crepe paper decorations (an old family tradition that was supposed to die out once we were no longer little kids, but has endured).

So I am now 26. I am fully loving it, but personally accepting the inevitability of aging is a new development. When I hit 25, I had this inexplicable wave of horror wash over me when I realized that I was only 5 years away from being 30. That just seemed so....old. However, just because I am not precisely where I imagined I would be in my late 20's, I am entirely who I want to be. I think that matters more than the fact that I haven't yet reached the milestones that I expected I would have by now.

So, in honor of self-acceptance, here are 5 little-known (or quirky) things about me:

1. I swear too much, even though it's often just under my breath. I know I ought to stop because it's not ladylike and it's getting out of control. For example: The other day, I was exiting the 7-11 in Kaysville after getting a nice big fountain drink of Dr. Pepper. The door slammed my arm as I was walking through on my way out, and it hurt like the dickens. For a horrible moment I was in danger of losing my 32 oz fountain drink all over myself so i mumbled, "ohsh*t!" under my breath. Apparently it wasn't as quiet as I thought it was, because some dude looked up and stared at me the whole way out to my car. I'm sorry I offended your delicate sensibilities, young man, but you were wearing a backwards hat and didn't look like you were full of high society social norms.

2. Most of my wardrobe looks more like it belongs to a 13-year-old than a 26-year-old. It's mostly because I just like tee shirts and sneakers, ok? And also, because I have a secret desire to be on TLC's What not to Wear. I have literally imagined the things that Clinton Kelly would say to me while flinging all my crew neck graphic tees into the garbage can.

3. I am not ambidextrous when flipping off idiot drivers. (another habit I need to quit)

4. When I am at work and extremely bored between surveys, I play the alphabet game in my head. The alphabet game goes like this: Think of a fairly specific category, and then think of a word or name from that category for each letter of the alphabet. The other day, I chose 'first names of characters that appear in books I own.' (Aberforth, Bella, Carlton, Diana... etc) It is a fabulous way to make the day go by quickly.

5. I was a shamelessly compulsive liar up until I was about 7 or 8 years old, when I apparently grew a conscience. For instance: I once told my best friend in the second grade that we had 'lost' my younger sister at the mall. (We hadn't.) I wove the story very dramatically and was apparently very convincing because that afternoon, my friend's very concerned mother called my house to ask my mom if they had found my younger sibling. Busted.